Metallica: 10 Things I Hate About You

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Let me preface this by saying that I love Metallica. I really and truly do. I can find something on almost every album that appeals to me (there are a few exceptions though) and I generally have a good time listening to them.

Now that that’s out of the way there are some things I don’t like which I’ll chronicle for you in this weeks installment of our Top Ten series; Metallica: 10 Things I Hate About You...

Starting off with a biggie:

1) Load

Do I really need to explain this one? This record is an abomination. 

Case in point: Ain’t My Bitch, Mama Said

 

2) Lars Ulrich's Snare

I once heard a guy say that he was listening to St. Anger in his car and wasn’t sure if he left his blinker on. True story.  

Case in point: St. Anger in its entirety. 

 

3) Re-Load

I don’t care if it was 3x certified platinum. All that really tells us is Metallica fans and rock radio listeners alike cannot tell the difference between “good” and “catchy”. Big surprise there.

Case in point: Fuel, The Unforgiven II

 

4) Purify 

I hate this song so much that I once wrote a two page paper (single space, 12 font) outlining my reasons. Now, this wasn’t for the site or school or anything. I was just so pissed by how terrible it was that I embarked on a free writing session so furious I needed to ice my hands after. Just thinking about the song makes me wanna...

Except for the whole putting of the remote up the ass thing, that is.

Case in point: I would have included an MP3 but I wont for two reasons; a) Metallica’s litigious nature and b) if there was a chance I’d have to hear it again, like testing the MP3 or something, it wouldn’t be worth it. 

 

5) Megadeth Drama

I’m just tired of it. I know that they recently put it to rest but it just played out so long and every metal media outlet in the world lapped it up like they were at a studio tapping of the Maury show.  On a scale of Justin Beiber to 10, the Megadeth/Metallica drama registered about a 2 for me and yet my inbox was constantly bombarded with bullshit “he said, she said” updates. Then in true Megadeth/Metallica anti-climatic form, the drama went away and they were all best friends again. Until the next tour/album/dvd that needs publicity... 

Case in point: This is really more about Metallica’s media whoring than anything.

 

6) The Fans

Ugh, what can I say? Metallica fans (I number myself among your ranks) are argumentative, stubborn assholes. 

Case in point:

>> “Metallica Rulz” carved into every desk I sat at in High School. (Artist credit: me)

>> Metallica post/pre Black album arguments that can go on for days. (Obviously “pre” is the clear winner here)

>> “Metallica is the (insert superlative)band ever!” in the comments section of every youtube video of Metallica, that makes mention of Metallica, or features a band/artist that is viewed as their opposite by the offender.

>>”Megadeth Suckz, Metallica Rulz” written courtesy a 12 year old keyboard jockey somewhere on every single metal message board on the internet. 

>>This girl.

Redeeming factor: Metallica are not (wholly) responsible for Maggots (Slipknot fans) and Juggalos (ICP fans). 

 

7) Swiss Beats Featuring Ja Rule and Metallica

Yeah, that actually happened.

 

8) Price of Merch/Tickets

 

Regoddamndiculous.

$100 here, $100 there, buy a DVD, buy their albums, buy a shirt. Metallica  concerts and merchandise are the leading cause of debt in America [citation needed]. They waaay overcharge for just about everything and we, being the fool-hearted loyalists that we are, keep buying the shit! Hey, I love Metallica as much as the next guy (assuming the next guy isn’t fanatical) but do we really need the Metallica logo emblazoned on everything we own? Do we really need a physical copy of Garage Days

No.

 

9) The Napster Drama

You all know the story. And really, I am not bothered by it as much as a lot of people are but I think if for no other reason than the drama that ensued, this little debacle deserves to be on the list.

That kinda felt like an ad for -- rather than against-- Napster, no? 

 

10) You Decide

I had a hard time choosing between a few points I had left to talk about so I’ll just let you guys take the reins and tell us what you don’t like about Metallica in the comments section. *

*Civility not required. 

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About Josh Johns

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Chief Editor and Writer for Metal CallOut. Favorite sub genre of heavy metal includes Black, Death, Folk and Traditional. Deathscript can be found at @realJoshJohns or Google+.

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